The Introvert’s Guide to Networking
Introverted, shy, or socially anxious? Read on.
Are you an introverted extrovert? An extroverted introvert? An ambivert? A selective socialiser? We humans love to categorise ourselves—it helps us self-identify and make sense of our own and others’ behaviours. These labels can be helpful for understanding why we act and feel the way we do in social situations, but they can also limit our growth. Beneath all this classification, what we all really want is to feel comfortable and authentic.
One of the most common settings where feelings of social anxiety arise is in networking, a scenario that can feel particularly daunting for introverts or those who are naturally shy. For me, coming out of my shell required a bit of exposure therapy. As a journalist, I had to meet and interview countless people, which gave me plenty of opportunities to practise connecting and engaging with strangers. To this day, I’m not entirely sure where I fall on the introvert-extrovert spectrum, but I do know that I feel far more confident and at ease meeting new people than I once did.
This isn’t the case for everyone, of course. Maybe you don’t get many opportunities to practise your networking skills, or perhaps you’re at the early stages of your career. When I spoke to Phoebe Dodds, a professional networker (among many other things), a few months ago, she shared some excellent advice:
“Take a friend with you. Ask someone else who’s going to meet you outside. Mention to the organiser that you don’t know many people there, and ask if they can introduce you to a few people. Look for events that are more than just drinks: a dinner, workshop, or co-working day, for example. Tell yourself you’ll go for 30 minutes, and if you’re not loving it, you can leave. It’s one of those things that gets easier with time!”
Inspired by Phoebe’s tips, I became curious about the strategies others use to calm their nerves and thrive in networking settings. So, I turned to Instagram to crowdsource ideas. It turns out, there are plenty of you out there navigating these spaces as introverts. Here are some of my favourite responses for making meaningful connections without the stress:
"Set a realistic goal for each event so you’re not exhausted. For example, ‘speak to three people’."
I think this is a great way of managing your energy if socialising is draining for you. By focusing on quality over quantity, networking can feel more genuine and achievable.
"Use a compliment as your opener!"
If there’s one thing that everyone in the world loves, it’s a compliment! They’re universally disarming, and breaking the ice with positivity can make it easier to start conversations.
"Pretend you’re an actor in a movie, and you need to give the best performance of your life."
I really enjoyed this piece of advice, and it made me think about how many times I’ve done this without realising. Yes, we want to be authentic, but sometimes when there’s a goal to achieve or a job to do, reframing networking as a role to play can help us overcome nerves by stepping outside our usual self-consciousness.
"Just try to make friends! Don’t pitch. It’s better to work together later as mates."
This depends on the industry you’re in and how you navigate personal and professional boundaries, but focusing on building genuine relationships without an agenda first fosters trust and opens doors organically.
"Just because you go, it doesn’t mean you have to stay. Remove the pressure of having to be there the whole time."
If you’re feeling uncomfortable or anxious, there’s no shame in stepping away. Knowing you can leave when you need to eases the pressure and makes attending events less daunting.
"Start off on social media and build your relationship up before you meet in person."
If you feel more comfortable building relationships online rather than in person, connect with people you admire and see if something grows from there. Pre-establishing a connection online takes the edge off meeting face-to-face, creating a foundation for rapport.
"Don’t try to act like an extrovert because you feel you need to."
It can feel like the world is catered to extroverts, but continuously trying to match an energy that doesn’t feel organic is a recipe for social burnout. Authenticity is more sustainable and allows you to connect with others in a way that feels natural, not forced.
"Get over yourself. The next person is probably just as anxious."
Tough, but fair. Shift the focus outward and remember that most people are too preoccupied with their own nerves and hangups to judge you.
"Demonstrate that you’re listening and curious with your body language."
If contributing to conversations is challenging, being attentive, asking questions and showing you’re engaged goes a long way. Active listening creates a deeper connection, showing you value the other person and their insights.
Hopefully, these tips are helpful, but please remember that if you’re struggling with anxiety, or any other mental health challenges, support is available. You can call Lifeline Australia at 13 11 14 or reach out to a trusted mental health professional or local support service.
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