So You’re In A Comparison Spiral
Comparison math is killing me.
I’m so good at spiralling; it’s actually an incredible way to waste hours of time and plenty of energy. A (self-)obsessive tendency I have to actively work against, but like any muscle, the more you flex it, the stronger it gets and the easier it becomes to spot the signs of a spiral and avoid free-falling.
The Comparison Spiral is so natural (but of course, it’s an anxious habit), especially in our hyper-connected world. Every time I dial into an app, I’m often hit with brilliant news from all corners of the globe: a friend in the newspaper, an acquaintance winning an award, a complete stranger securing a book deal. And honestly, good on them, I love to see it. But that admiration quickly turns sour, and that sourness turns inwards, reflected and refracted a million times over as I dissect and admonish myself for my lack of accolades and book deals.
Of course, I’ve had great successes (logically, I know this), but none of that matters after some quick Comparison Math (they’re 30 with a book deal (+10), I’m 33 (+3) with nothing but a blank page (+2) to my name, so I’m actually 15 years behind where I need to be), the world tilts out of reasonable logic and into a full-blown spiral.
So how do I avoid this spiralling without just logging out of all the apps and ignoring the world? These are a handful of things I’ve done or continue to do to help with this.
Career Therapy
I’ll acknowledge that this isn’t an option that will necessarily appeal or be accessible to all, but as I hit my 30s, I found I had the time and the money to invest in a career coach. It was an investment in myself, and I found it wildly beneficial, helping me zero in on the reasons for my dysfunctional thinking and where to channel that energy instead. I joked to my career coach, Holly Garber, that I found this less like career coaching and more like therapy. Which, in many ways, it was, and what a privileged position to be in to be able to spend time thinking about and investigating this part of my life.
Write It All Down
Holly encouraged me to write about my fears and anxieties from our first meeting, and I acknowledge that this is not a new or even groundbreaking idea (um, hi journaling). But even though I consider myself to be a writer, I actively avoided writing about my feelings and anxieties. This kind of Shadow Work is hard because it forces you to face parts of yourself you don’t like, parts you know are lurking there and work with them, not against them. It can be confronting but also therapeutic. So much of my Comparison Spiralling is tied up with these feelings of inadequacy and jealousy, and that’s ok. I do think journaling in this way and keeping an archive can be useful (referring back could cause massive amounts of cringe but offer you perspective down the line). Or if you’re more dramatic (like me), you could always write it all down and then burn it as a way to release the comparison baggage in both a physical and ceremonial way.
It’s Ok To Be Jealous
We’re taught very early on that jealousy is bad. Full stop. The end. But if you’re someone who believes the world is not so black and white, and maybe there’s some grey to be found, that something or someone can be two things at once, then hear me out.
We’re all about reframing our thinking at The Foreword, and I acknowledge that Jealousy is not a wonderful emotion; for me, it manifests physically in my body as a tight feeling in my stomach, a feeling I’d rather avoid. But sometimes jealousy or envy can spur you on. And I’ve found that sometimes it’s the push I need to stop thinking and worrying and just do.
I don’t seek it out; it has a wonderful way of finding me, and because of this (it will always find you, of this, I’m sure), fighting it is pointless and a huge waste of energy. If we stop and sit with uncomfortable stuff, there’s something to be said for letting these feelings fuel us a little bit and reframing this emotion we’re told to avoid at all costs as something that isn’t all bad.
Talk soon!
Paris Georgia has collaborated with artist Joe Sweeney on the ‘Career Girl’ t-shirt in a “celebration of inclusivity, empowerment and personal fulfilment.” It’s a dream collab and a genius idea because to quote the brand and artist: “We’re all Career Girls.”
The Slutty Cheff has been writing for Vogue.com for some time now, and her anonymous Instagram account has amassed a huge following thanks to her musings on cooking, sex, and dating, but she just snagged herself a book deal and, naturally, I’m going to be first in line to read Tart: Misadventures of an Anonymous Chef when it’s finally published.
One of the reasons I love The Internet and Japan so much: Hello Kitty as 32 kinds of algae for the 2025 Osaka-Kansai Expo. The explainer for this collab I-didn’t-know-I-needed-but-I’m-so-glad-exists? “The Hello Kitty algae display is designed to highlight algae's role in building a more sustainable future…By combining the worldwide appeal of Hello Kitty with the surprising versatility of algae, the Japan Pavilion hopes to spark interest among a broad audience.”
I’m sold, and consider me very interested in algae and all it can do for us.